Ultimate Bar Mitzvah Gift Guide

Traditionally, the gifts given to a bar mitzvah boy would be tefillin—though ideally these should be worn at least a few months ahead to practice—and a tallit in certain communities. In Ashkenazi Orthodox families, the tallit is usually reserved as a wedding present for the groom, but even so some people might get one as it is traditional to wear one when reciting from the Torah, on the bar mitzvah birthday or otherwise.

Girls might traditionally be given shabbat candlesticks or Jewish jewelry for a bat mitzvah gift. Many young women in Reform and Conservative communities also receive and wear a tallit in a feminine design.

Some timeless gifts for child of any gender celebrating this milestone might be a tzedakah box, Jewish wall art, or a siddur (prayer book). And whether it’s a new suit or a special bat mitzvah dress, it may also be nice to get something for this very young adult to feel good in on a momentous day. 

It is always a good idea to give over resources to help the very young adult to succeed in the future, so if you want something that will set anyone up well without being as materialistic, it is quite popular to give Jewish educational gifts, including books of Torah.

These days, many people like to give personalized items, whether jewelry, engraved Judaica, or special cards. Whether a personalized tallit bag, kiddush cup, kippah, or name jewelry, these gifts add meaning and memorability to an already significant occasion. This can also add to the sense of familiarity to a bar mitzvah gift if not attending.

Money is often a preferred gift option as well, though whether this is as a gift-card, stocks and bonds, or good old-fashioned cash is up to you. Money, especially that can be saved up for important uses later, is a nice gift you know will go towards something timeless. Traditionally, this is given in multiples of 18, as that is the numeric value of חי meaning ‘life’.

Even though most people today will use phrases like “bar mitzvah party” or “bat mitzvah girl”, traditionally those Hebrew terms really refer to the person and not the occasion. There is a date when the Bar- or Bat Mitzvah comes of age, but it’s not a holiday, so the celebration can be on a different day.

The bar mitzvah service—separate to the party—can be done any day when the Torah is read out in synagogue following the youth’s Hebrew birthday. This means Mondays, Thursdays, Shabbat and the first day of any Hebrew month are all fair game, giving the family planning a bar mitzvah a lot of flexibility.

A Zoom Bar Mitzvah, for instance, even in the most traditional circles is therefore possible on the weekdays, which is a great option if there are health concerns, or a family scattered geographically too.

Many people have the ceremony including reading the Torah on Shabbat morning, and then will have a party Saturday after Shabbat or on Sunday. At that point, it’s all about what’s best for the family and friends, all of whom want to show up for a 'mazel tov' and some dancing!

In traditional circles, a bat mitzvah ceremony might not include reciting from the Torah, while in many modern, egalitarian communities the bar and bat mitzvah ceremonies are identical. but there may still be speeches and toasts, a festive meal, live music and other activities to celebrate the joy and gravity of taking on adult spiritual responsibility. 

For communities of all stripes, the Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah is more than a milestone now too. For many, the customs associated with a bar mitzvah such as reciting from the Torah are practiced for no shorter than a year in many cases, though in some communities emphasis is placed on learning day-to-day mitzvahs over reciting Torah, and only offer an aliyah (reciting a blessing over the Torah) instead. Either way, there will often be a lavish birthday party and big meal that goes along with this, the arrangement of which may be a mitzvah of its own!

These have become an iconic step as one of the most important Jewish lifecycle events. Celebrations begin months in advance in some cases, and the Torah learning in preparation of this begins far before that.

Make sure you have the right gift to commemorate perhaps the most special Jewish birthday with our Bar Mitzvah gifts or our Bat Mitzvah gifts.

And check out our rundown of the 13 best Bar Mitzvah gifts and 12 Best Bat Mitzvah Gifts from Israel!